“They will know you through my name”

My little budding scientist was busy making and breaking his LED project today. He was not looking at me and looked really disturbed. I thought it was because I didn’t send him on school excursion. He really wanted to go. I promised that I would send him next year, but I too wished that I could send him. But________  :( Let him grow a little bigger, In sha Allaah!

I hugged him and said, “Let’s go out and enjoy.” He said, “Not now. Let me finish this. I am making one Hashir-Umma-Gadget”. I kissed him and enjoyed his creativity. He silently made a cardboard house with a switch and a window. The switch was to turn on the LED and a look inside the window showed me a lovely “H❤️U”. 

I thought he would be normal now. He continued looking upset. Then he started playing with a rubik’s puzzle. He spoke, “Umma, they ask me questions. I am sorry. I had to lie.” I asked, “Who?”  He continued, “<Names> they tease me. They tell me that only my mother comes to pick me after school. My father never comes. I told them father is sick. He doesn’t go out much. Then <name> said his father comes to pick him even if he has fever. I wanted to punch him.”

I wanted to tell him so many things. I wanted to ask him why does he feel bad. He is a big boy. He knows and understands things. And many other things. But words failed me. I knew he is not big. I knew that he faces a tough world. But the actual realisation fell upon me today. I was silent. I wanted to hug him and cry. 

He continued, “Umma, I am sorry. I broke my promise. I lied. I had to choose between lying or insulting you. I chose to lie. Because you are my diamond.” Yes, he calls me his diamond and has a lovely diamond jewellery design in mind that he would buy for me with his first salary :-).  I asked him why would it be my insult. He said, “I never saw my father. I never had a fight with him. He fought with you and left us. If we fight, I can never leave you. You are my diamond. I won’t get my oxygen without you. But these guys won’t understand it. They will think he left us because you are bad. So I had to lie.” 

I was dumbstruck at his words. Could an 8 year old think so deeply about his mother? The rhythm of his thoughts and words amazed me. I felt a kind of pain which was the worst I ever I felt. I could gather courage to only tell him, “Beta, I am sorry for bringing you to this pain. But never lie again.” 

He said, “When I write your name in the father’s name column, they ask me what my papa’s name is. I tell them <grandfather’s name>. This is not a lie because he is my Papa. But I add a little lie to this that both have the same name so I write my mother’s name. This is the reason why I had forced you to ask our principal to write your name in that column. I don’t want to lie, but they are too small. They only know to make fun of others. But don’t worry. I will soon become really big. I will be a famous scientist engineer and maybe something else too. Then they will not ask who my father is.” He faked a BIG smile and said, “When you step out after 10 years from now, In sha Allaah, people will scream - “See, she is Hashir’s mother.” They will know you through my name.”

I was left speechless. It wasn’t Hashir speaking. It was Allaah making him speak. While I can’t describe how bad I was feeling for him, I can’t put into words the happiness he gave me in return. May Allaah give him happiness in every moment of his life. May his pains be replaced with strength and success. May Allaah make him successful in both the worlds and bless him with the highest level of Jannatul Firdaus for the love he has for his mother (Ameen) 

People think that life of a single mom is difficult. It is not. Life of a single mom’s beloved child is what’s difficult. May Allaah make it easy for all children who face this and make them strong to face the world (Ameen) 

~ UmmHashiR

 (Alhamdulillaah!)